I know some fairly serious disciplinarians. Some of my fellow parents, and even a few of my friends, spend a lot of energy punishing their children. Instead of finding ways to work along with them, they find ways to force them to obey blindly. I realize that it is imperative to have obedient children, but I suppose there are better ways to handle it than by punishing them. Punishment is necessary, but the most imperative thing is to make the child feel like a part of her or his own life. If he or she comprehends that the decisions that he makes are important, he will be more apt to obey what you have to say. With liberty comes responsibility, but with accountability also must come liberty.
I always make an effort to include the kids in decisions about household decor. For example, they have to take care of washing the bathroom, but they get to pick out the kids shower curtains. They need to keep their rooms clean, but they get to pick out kids blankets. They rotate who gets to select the kids shower curtains. This time, it is my daughter's turn. She has picked out a frog shower curtain that is one of the most cute things that I have ever seen. Her kids shower curtains will stay up for the next couple of weeks, during which time she has to take care of the bath. After that, one of the other children shower curtains gets to be put up.
I didn't come to this decision arbitrarily. I do not let them put up their own children shower curtains because I've given up on getting them to hear me. On the contrary, I want them to hear me. I want to teach them that with effort comes rewards. If my son wants to put up his lighthouse shower curtains, that is fine, but he has to keep the tub entirely clean. If my youngest daughter wishes to put up her children shower curtains, she needs to try cleaning the bathroom herself.
She is very young, and has not been assigned chores yet, but soon she will. Instead of fearing them, she will actually enjoy them. She will see them as a signal that she is getting to the age where she has the same privileges and rights as the older children. The kids shower curtains symbolize this, as do their bedsheets.
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